Oldboy, and some old boys. Trailer Reviews for the week of September 27.

We've got some fun stuff this week for you guys.  De Niro and Stallone lace up the gloves, Will Arnett's delusional dad becomes a millionaire in the prairies, and Josh Brolin gets locked in a room for twenty years.  Plus, we've got a Samuel L Jackson weird hair alert!

Grudge Match (December 25)

Hmmmm, Robert De Niro and Sylvester Stallone in a boxing movie?  Why does this seem familiar? Seriously, these guys made their boxing debuts ages ago... Let's look at a quick tale of the tape.

Stallone:

Age: 67

Former Boxing Experience: Rocky Balboa

Years since first entering ring: 37

Years since last bout: Seven. (Yes, it's been seven years since this happened.)

Oscar Noms: 2

Years since last Oscar Nom: 36

Could he kick my ass?: Definitely

De Niro:

Age: 70

Former Boxing Experience: Jake LaMotta (Raging Bull)

Years since first entering ring: 33

Years since last bout: 33

Oscar Noms: 7 (Two wins, Raging Bull and Godfather II)

Years since last Oscar Nom: One

Could he kick my ass?:  No??

So, if they were boxing, the edge has to go to Sly here, but since this is apparently a legitimate film that's happening, De Niro has to be considered the champ, right?  In all seriousness, this movie should not be getting made.  Who wants to watch a couple of senior citizens wail on each other for 90 minutes with comic relief from Kevin Hart  and the heroin addicted grandpa from Little Miss Sunshine?  Oh, literally every man over the age of 35?  I guess that makes sense.

I really hate that this movie exists, but the trailer is absolutely great.  It's three minutes of "is this really happening?  Is this a real trailer or am I watching a 'Funny or Die' skit".  The throwback to the meat locker scene from Rocky is both painful and hilarious at the same time.  Great job, guys.  Cash those paycheques!

Trailer: 4 Stars

Skip it. Seriously guys, it's Christmas, go hang out with your family.  Wait, how did I get to the movie theatre.  Why is there a ticket for Grudge Match in my hand.  Dad, what are you doing here?

Nebraska (November 22)

I hit 'play' on this trailer without knowing too much about it, and almost turned it off as soon as I saw it come up in black and white.  Black and white in movies is usually pretty gimmicky, and if I'm going to shell out money to catch a movie, I want the whole, technocolourful experience.  That being said, this trailer grabbed my attention.

I'll always watch sad Will Forte.  Sad Will Forte always manages to make me feel better about myself, which probably says something about my psyche and how I'm a terrible person.  This movie seems to be about getting old -- not in the "hang on to your youth and you can do anything even though you're ancient" way we saw with Grudge Match, but in the "yeah getting old is really shitty and depressing" way that is much closer to reality.  Mix that in with the "Million Dollar American Dream" and some vast prairie shots, not to mention the ugliness of human greed and you've got a recipe for a quirky, depressing, insightful film that will probably leave you feeling existential and sad. 

If THAT doesn't sell you, then, hey, Better Call Saul! 

Trailer: 3.5 Stars

See It!

Oldboy (November 27)

This is a Spike Lee remake of a 2003 Korean film known for its insane violence scenes.  I haven't seen it, since I am neither Korean, nor enough of a hipster or cinephile to watch Korean movies, but it's really highly regarded by those types of people.  Fans of the original movie are calling this american remake "unnecessary" and a "bastardization" but to them I say "I want a big tub of popcorn and a 2 litre soda, how can I gorge myself and read subtitles at the same time, Korean hipster cinephiles??"

I'm super pumped for this movie.  Like I mentioned, the original is know for its violence, and in the trailer alone we see Josh Brolin putting the business end of an axe into somebodies skull, and then we see him hovering over Samuel L Jackson with a box cutter.  If you've seen Breaking Bad, you know box cutter's can do some serious damage.  This paragraph is 50% an excuse to show this video clip .

Gus Fring, man.  As Samuel Jackson would say "he's one badass muthafucka".

Anyway, Oldboy, right.  This trailer's really well done.  It opens strong, hooking the viewer into what's a really great premise, and manages to cover 20 years of Josh Brolin in a room by himself without ruining any of the plot or intrigue.  Plus, we get to see Samuel Jackson sporting some seriously weird hair.

Sweet blonde Mohawk, Sam.  If you've followed Jacksons career, you're probably aware of his history of weird 'dos.  Here's a nice little Nerve article counting down his top 18 styles.  My personal favourite?

Never change, Sam.  Never change.

Trailer: 4.5 Stars

See It!